To Those Who Prayed –
To those who prayed, I would like to say thank you. It seems like a silly thing to say now, 18 months after Hugh’s diagnosis. I should have said it months ago, during those first hard days.
But I couldn’t. I couldn’t say thank you for your prayers because I was harboring a secret. I couldn’t say thank you because I knew that I was not praying myself.
I had no words to pray. I didn’t even try.
It’s something that is hard for me to confess. I should have been talking to God every minute, asking for strength and wisdom and a peace with this diagnosis. But I was not. I was silent.
I just did not know what to say to God. Please heal Hugh? I knew there was no cure for diabetes. And even if Hugh was miraculously cured, what about the other children out there suffering? Was it fair to ask for healing for my son and no one else’s child? Should I ask why God gave this to my son? Even in my darkest hours, I did not believe God gave Hugh diabetes. My heart understands that we live in a world where there is sickness and hurting and sometimes there is no reason for it. Give me back my son the way he was? I knew that life would never be the same.
So I said nothing to God. Every time someone told me they were praying for us or I got a card in the mail telling me the same, I thought, “What’s the point? Praying won’t change anything now.”
I’m sorry for taking your prayers and putting them on a shelf. I’m sorry for discounting the time you spent with our names on your lips. I’m sorry I did not see sooner your prayers for us were carrying us through.
But now I see. Now I see that when we were exhausted and heartbroken and grieving, you were praying. You prayed when I could not. And for that, I will be eternally grateful.
Our burden was heavy, our burden was sad, our burden was hard. And I stumbled under the weight of it all. God did not hear my prayers during that time, but he heard yours.
So to those of you who prayed when I could not, thank you. To the church members in our congregation, in our parents’ congregations, and many other churches – thank you. To the parents of children with T1D who prayed – thank you. To my Grandmother’s exercise class who prayed – thank you. To all of you who murmured Hugh’s name during bedtime prayers with your own children, who whispered his name while driving in your car, who thought of him when you did not even know who he was – thank you.
I like to think that this is how prayer works. That in our times of despair, when we have no words to say, others are taking our place – stepping into our line – taking over our words and our tears and bringing them to God. I like to think that these prayers are even stronger than if we said them ourselves, because they are given when they do not have to be.
I want you to know your prayers were heard. We are doing ok – we are doing more than ok, we are doing great. Life with Type 1 Diabetes will always be hard, but we have so much to be grateful for. Not the least of which is you – those who prayed.
Sally
Sally, that was absolutely inspired. You write beautifully. Your words are raw and very real to us who are walking through our own trials. May God’s hand continue to be on Hugh and your family. With love, Penny
Thank you, Penny!
Thank you so much for sharing this! My grandson was diagnosed 1yr ago at age 3. I was/am still heart broken. Every time I go grocery shopping my heart hurts for him. We are doing better but still fighting the crazy highs and very scary lows. I know God does have a plan for our children. I join so many in praying for a cure. Thanks again.
Hi Karen! It is so hard to explain to people who are not walking the path of Type 1 Diabetes just how scary it can be. It’s always good to hear from people who understand. Please keep in touch – I would love to hear more about your grandson!
I just want you to know that while we were all praying for your family, because it is a family illness, that God knew your heart and mind and even though you couldn’t find the words He knew your heart. As we continue to pray we may not always know what particular event is happening but God does and He directs our prayers to benefit what is most on your heart. God is good and He will never leave you or forsake you.
We love you and have you on our hearts.
Thanks, Elizabeth!
I understand how you fee. In 2001 the plant in Sterlington exploded. My husband was in the building next to the one that blew. For over an hour I did not know if he was dead or alive. I went to friend at work and told her about what happended. I confessed to her that I could not pray and asked her to do so. God gave me a peace that I cannot explain. He didn’t say that he was all right; He just let me know he was with my husband. I understand the need to have others intervene when we cannot pray. You have given us the honor to intercede for Hugh and his precious family, our Brothers and Sisters in Christ. That is just what family does.
I’m glad to hear I’m not the only one who has gone through this, Brenda! Thank you for sharing.
Sally, I knew if ANYONE could take care of a T1D child it would be you and Scott. Lots of people do not realize how hard diabetes is on those who have been diagnosed. It’s not just “well they can’t eat sugar anymore”, it means changing your and your family’s lifestyle. It is especially hard on you and Scott, knowing this is something that antibiotics can’t heal. Bless you, Scott and those babies. I love you all.
Thank you, Kathy! We love you too!